one week home.

I really plan on keeping up with this blog. I do.

It has been a bit over a week since we returned from China and life is good. Not perfect, but good.

We left our hotel at 5am Friday in China and arrived in Seattle exactly 24 hours later. It was a long day of travel but I cannot express the joy of landing at SeaTac on a beautiful fall day here in the Northwest. It was just what I needed.

O was a champ on the flights. Luckily he loves a good TV show, whether in English or Chinese, so he was occupied. He got a little upset when we turned off the TV to make him sleep, but after a mini struggle he passed out for a good 5-6 hours. Unfortunately Tyler and I didn't catch a wink. O was laying all over us which made it pretty hard to get comfy.

We were picked up by my wonderful friend, Jessica, and driven home to see the girls. They were jumping in the window so excited. Oh I could have held them for hours if they would have let me but they were more into meeting their brother. It was super cute how excited they all were to meet each other. They spent the rest of the day taking out every toy in the house, playing with it for five minutes, and moving to the next. I practiced following behind them cleaning everything up so I wouldn't go crazy. That lasted for the next 24 hours which is exactly how I kept myself awake long enough before passing out.

To be honest, jet lag wasn't too bad for Tyler and I. O had a little less than a week of staying up late and sleeping in, but I think he is right on track with the girls now.

So, how are we all adjusting as a family of five?

I will start with O. He seems to be doing great. We definitely had a honeymoon period of three or four days where he probably thought he was in Disneyland. We saw only smiles and excitement out of him. Although we are trying to be pretty strict about this whole cocooning thing we did take him to my sisters to meet our immediate family and it went great. Again, he just loves to play. A couple days later we saw some things we had seen in China which  pretty much involves him getting upset when we tell him he can't do something or we take something away from him. The complete blessing in this is that these incidences are becoming fewer and far between. We are learning how to communicate with one another and we think he is starting to understand that mommy and daddy aren't trying to ruin his fun but we want him to be safe and we love him.

We are constantly telling him how much we love him and he even says it back to us quite often (in both English and Chinese). He is still waking up pretty grumpy (may get that from momma) but once he snaps out of it and gets a little food in his belly he is looking for snuggles. He loves to sit on our lap and often wants to be held. It is pretty sweet and we are just eating it up. It can be tough when you have a two year old screaming for the same thing (more on that later) so it is really nice, over the weekend, to have Tyler home to divide and conquer.

He isn't eating a ton but he is eating and we are figuring out how to present food to him in a way that he will try new things. We saw the International Adoption Physician and he was really happy with O. We will go see a cleft specialist after the New Year. He seems to love our home and when we are gone his face lights up when we pull into the driveway. He acts very excited about Henna (our dog) and laughs when she is in the yard, but he is very frightened when she gets close. Tonight he actually touched her without freaking out and I am so glad cause she is so sweet. He loves his sisters. Just today, D was gone with some friends and he went searching for her and called out her name over and over as we were waiting for her to get home. Loved it!

I am so proud of D. She has been amazing and has completely surprised both Tyler and I. She has been so good at sharing and understanding that we need to cater to O right now. She has not put up one fight about things being unfair. We attempted two Thanksgiving dinners this weekend for just a couple hours each and had to leave abruptly due to O and she was a champ and left without a complaint. She rubs his back and tells him she loves him. She shares her food and toys and has been such a good helper. I am so impressed and a little sad at what a big girl she has been with all of this.

Lue is happy to have mommy and daddy home. She clung to me all night the day we got home and I was in heaven. I missed her snuggles. She too is such a big girl and wants to do everything her sister and brother are doing.... or eating. She does not want to be left out of anything so if we are catering to O she wants in on the action. If O is on my lap she is pulling my leg out to get on there too. Pretty funny, sometimes super annoying, but adorable. Love her!

How are mom and dad adjusting? Hmmmmm? We are good. Three is a whole lot different than two.We are so thankful that we are loving and bonding with this little man. We are grateful for such an amazing boy. But while we are counting our blessings we still can have some tough moments. We are completely out of our comfort zone. The Lord has weakened us in our parenting and in some ways we are starting all over.

This is a new kind of parenting that neither of us have experienced. It is almost the opposite in so many ways of how we have parented our girls. We don't know may others who have been in our shoes so we are relying on some adoption support and our own instincts to do what we think (hope) is best.

I think it is the unknown that makes me feel weak. I love this little boy so much but I still don't really KNOW him yet. We are figuring each other out. This little guy comes with four years of experiences that I have no clue about. That makes me feel weak. I know everything about my girls and I can tell you why they do almost everything they do. I am lucky to stay at home with these little blessings and have been with them almost every minute of every day of their lives. I know them well.

I will get to know O and it is actually fun and super sweet figuring him out. There are moments of rejection that may be normal four year old characteristics, but unfortunately I have no idea. I don't know if in those moments of anger he is really hating me or just having a stubborn moment. I don't know the root behind his anger and frustration. I don't know if he suffered abuse, neglect or is just missing his old life. So, although those moments seem small and he IS such a good boy, those moments are like a knife to a momma's heart and can make you feel so incredibly weak.

I know in my weakness I have nothing to do but lean on the Lord. I know He likes me to be uncomfortable because in my discomfort I must go to Him. When I get to comfy in life I tend to try and handle everything on my own and that is no place to be.

So I am happy to be in this place. It isn't easy, but I have so much joy in it. I have witnessed so much joy in it. Three weeks ago this little guy did not have a family or a place to call "his home." Today he has both. This was week one of a lifetime. How incredible?!

We had such a good Thanksgiving weekend. We spent the actual day of thanksgiving hiking and playing. We didn't stress about food and just made everyone's favorite... noodles. We put up the Christmas lights and got our tree. Our friend Owen, I mean Santa, was at the tree farm, so we got to get pics taken with him. O and D were all about it. Lue was not.

O has loved all the lights. We hung them in both kids' rooms and they have dance parties. Tonight I saw O and Lue dancing all on their own. Such a sweet sight.

I can't wait till next year when O can understand us and we can explain to him what this season is really about. How it is about so much more than lights. We started our advent readings tonight and he read along with us so patiently. Hearing his little voice say "amen" is magical. Tyler sings "I'll Fly Away" to the kids every night and has sung it to O for three weeks now. Tonight O was running around the house totally singing it!

Lastly I must thank those who have provided meals for us. You have no idea what a blessing it has been. I know it isn't easy to plan a meal for someone else. But instead of prepping, cooking, feeding, eating, and cleaning up dinner, we are actually playing with our kids. We spend our evenings completely engulfed in one another and it is so good. We are thankful, thankful, thankful.

Love to you all! We hope you had an amazing Thanksgiving and have a beautiful Christmas. I do plan to check in before then. And praise the Lord for better picture sizes!!

"Leavin on a jet plane...

don't know when I'll be back again"

We go to bed tonight, wake up early and head straight to the airport. We are excited! We have a lay over in Beijing and then take an eleven hour flight straight to Seattle. I hope O sleeps. I think he will on that long flight. Either way he seems to like movies... that should keep him happy.

The last couple days have been good. They are good days with some tough moments here and there.
Yesterday we completed the last of the paperwork. Hallelujah! We took oath at the US consulate and finished up the US portion of things. We then went to visit the botanical gardens. We choose this over the zoo ( : The park was cool but really weird. There were these circus like decorations everywhere. I think they were finishing up a festival of some sorts.

Daddy took O to get his hair cut. He looks very handsome.

Today we went to Shaiman Island to do some shopping. It was really pretty and just fun to hang with friends outside.

We ended our evening at a delicious restaurant with two other couples we have met here. Best food we have yet on this trip. Of course we find it on our final night. I will miss these families. It has been so nice to have people here who know exactly what you are going through and how you are feeling. I am grateful. Here are their kids. Cuties!

We are excited to be home and start life as a family of five.

Please pray for our flight. Pray we can get back on a good sleep schedule quickly. Please pray for our girls to accept O and love him as much as we do. Pray that O transitions well. Three orphanages, two hotel rooms, and now a new house has to be very confusing. Please pray he understands this is his forever family and be happy and comfortable in his new home. Pray for Tyler and I to have patience and understanding for all the kids.

I plan to continue blogging to share updates on the family. Feel free to check in. It may be a very important outlet for me in the next couple months.

Hope to see you all soon.

your awesomness

Did you know we didn't have a dime put away for this adoption when we started? We knew if we were going to come up with the funds to do this it would have to completely be from God. We told The Lord to open doors if he wanted us to continue and he pretty much picked us up and carried us through.

We didn't feel comfortable asking others for money. Technically we "had" the money. We could drain retirement accounts and have enough, but we weren't sure if that was what The Lord wanted us to do. We know the money doesn't belong to us so if he wants, it's his to take. I could go into great detail on how we received every dime but the reality is that The Lord worked miracles until the day before we left to cover every cost.

We are very aware that he did not accomplish this task alone. He uses others as his hands and feet and we are so incredibly grateful. He worked this miracle of adoption through the incredible generosity of others. I don't know why every time someone choose to bless us, I sat in shock and amazement. People with little themselves, people who just said this money is not my own, people who wanted to see their money go to "something good." Pure selflessness.

I am constantly amazed by the people in my life who I have the honor of calling friends and family. Tyler and I always talk about how blessed we are by the people in our lives. We love living in constant community sharing life with beautiful people. Kind, thoughtful, selfless, funny, amazing people. People who inspire us, people who teach us, challenge us and encourage us. People who love our family and love others. I pray our kids see the beauty in community. I pray they see the joy in building relationships. I pray they never get tired of our house full of people. And I pray that they someday have friends and family like we do.

Beyond money, so many of you have helped us in some of the most important ways possible. You have prayed with us, watched adoption videos with us, talked to us about our heart for adoption and when you may not have understood it, you have loved us and supported us through it. You have showered us with gifts for O. You have watched our girls while I paint furniture, go to appointments, and prep for O. You have helped me pack and shop. You have brought us dinner. You have loved my husband. He has the most amazing group of "brothers" who love and honor family and love The Lord. I am super grateful for them. And I know I have said this multiple times, but you have loved our girls. So many of you have offered to watch them and play with them. Some of you are sacrificing work and to some extent your own family to help care for them. Being away from them for two weeks has been so hard but I have so much comfort in knowing they are so well loved and cared for.

Thank you is not enough. I cannot find the words for you all. Our friends, our family our amazing church. You guys know how to love. We feel loved. We promise to live a life paying it back that love to each of you.

In the next coming months we are going to live a pretty low key life. I am so excited for this right now but know I will probably go stir crazy. However it is really important for bonding and attachment with O. We have learned a lot about the incredible way The Lord has made babies and how they are created to attach and have their needs met by their momma in those early years. When there is no momma they may attach to a caregiver or anyone who meets their basic needs. I could go on and on about this, but for now I encourage you to read up on it if you have questions and trust us that O needs to have his needs met by us and no one else for now in order to learn that we are his mom and dad.

I adapted this list of DOs and DON'Ts from a friend's blog that may help you understand what we need.

DO’S

• PRAY!! Pray for O's transition, as well as the rest of our family. Pray for a deep attachment. Pray that we will not lose our sanity, as we cocoon! I am an on-the-go sort of mom. I start to go bonkers after two straight days in the house, so this is going to be a BIG challenge for me.
• Encouragement: Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to give an adoptive family space. You can still express care through cards, a meal, emails, etc. We just won’t be throwing any parties for a while. But I will need some adult contact. If I offer help or interaction please take me up on it. 
• Direct O to us. For example, “let’s ask your mom if that’s OK” or “I bet your daddy would like that; why don’t you show him?”
• Care for D and Lue. This is going to be tough for them. They will also be transitioning and will need attention and encouragement. Make them feel special and important.
• Read and educate yourself about attachment parenting and share this with others. Heck, even with us! We’re still learning!

DON’TS

• Physical interaction with O: Children coming from orphanage settings can be prone to attach too easily with anyone and everyone. This hinders the important child/parent bond from developing. For a while, Tyler and I need to be the only ones holding him. We ask that you do not try to take him from us or excessively give hugs and kisses. You may give him quick hugs and kisses, while he remains in our arms. Waving, blowing kisses, high fives are totally appropriate and welcomed! We want O to know you are trusted family and friends.
• Meeting his needs: Children from orphanages can become overly charming toward adults as a survival mechanism. We want to avoid this indiscriminate attachment/affection, as it would really set back our family bonding and can have far-reaching affects as he grows older. If O needs food, a drink, affection, or comfort, please allow Tyler and I to meet those needs. This is necessary for him to begin understanding that we are his parents.
• Gifts: If you want to give a gift to O, please ask us first. We’ve been advised to give him all gifts from our hands for the first few months home. You are welcome to save them. 
• Comparisons: Please do not compare to biological parenting. Attachment parenting is, in many ways, opposite of traditional parenting. Please trust and respect our choices.
• Assumptions: Don’t assume O is “relieved,” “grateful” or “excited” that he's been adopted. This is a life-altering difficult transition for many of these children.

We plan to adjust all this as we see fit so just be patient. We will be learning as we go. And please don't be hurt or offended if he shy's away from you. This is actually a good thing for us. Oh, and he has a good Seubert scowl already. Don't take it personally, he will have an amazing relationship with all of you soon. 

You are awesome. We love you and we are so thankful for each of you.

people and food

The last two days have been spent shopping. Tyler has REALLY enjoyed it. The mall crammed with 4000 stores of just beads got him really excited. Regardless, we saw some cool markets and today were able to venture out on our own and found a beautiful park.

My favorite part of the park was people watching. Everyone is doing something different. We saw a couple younger apoplectic jogging but the majority of people were doing dancing excercises or Tai chi. So cool to watch these old traditions still used. Others were stretching. One lady was practicing singing while others were playing instruments. They played cards, painted with giant paint brushes and laughed with loved ones.

One of my favorite things to see in all of China so far is the love everyone has for children. Everywhere, you see grandparents holding the hands of their small grandchildren. It is a sweet sight. It is hard to see the beautiful family dynamic here in China and not think of O's birth family. We know nothing of them. As a momma who has given birth to two babies I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through in giving him up. I can speculate why she did it and how she felt but
honestly I have no idea.

I can examine the facts and the facts are that China allows families to have one child in urban areas. And if you can have one child, most people in this culture want one who is healthy, and many want a boy. Fortunately the one child laws have been relaxed since 2008 (you may have heard all the news on that in the last couple days). International adoptions have slowed down since then as well, because many families are paying the fee (which is equivalent to one year salary) to keep their second child and domestic adoption has even increased (awesome). However, the need to adopt special need children is still great because most families cannot afford the medical costs that come with these kids. Many of you have asked why there are boys available for adoption. This is why. You will not find many healthy boys for adoption in China. In fact, the wait list to adopt a healthy child from China is about 7 years. Yes, at one point you found almost all girls in the orphanages, but not so much any more. Now, you will find almost all special needs kids.

Though I may not fully understand it, I am thankful. I am thankful that O's birth mom chose life for her baby. I am thankful that in a country where giving up your baby for adoption is illegal, she made sure he was safe. I am sad that I couldn't give her the money to repair his lip so that he she could see what a healthy, smart and beautiful little boy he is and keep her for her own. But I am grateful. He is already such a gift to us. I am sad that our world is so backward that this is how life has to play out. A mom without her son. I heard some numbers the other day that were so disturbing... It can cost less than $400 to have an abortion but sometimes over $40,000 to adopt a baby. Crazy!

Sorry, left the topic of my post a bit. One of the first questions I asked our guide in Chongqing was how the locals feel about us Americans coming in to adopt their babies? He said that they think it is a ver positive thing. That made be feel a bit of relief. I don't like confrontation. But we do get ALOT of stares. People will just come stand next to us and watch us without saying anything. It is mostly older people. They look at us, then O, and then us again. Some just stop right in their tracks in shock. It is so weird and uncomfortable. We have gotten some people who are very friendly and try to talk to us with big smiles. I encountered one rude guy on the airplane but fortunately I didn't know he was being rude until later when Tyler told me. I was really annoyed but figured I need to get used to it because for some reason people think it is ok to share their opinions at any time and in any place. I am sure this is only a taste of the kind of comments and questions I am going to get at home. I pray that I can always respond with love and grace.

The people here have style. I love it! Everyone has a unique look to them. A lot of tights under shorts.  They have a love for fashion. You don't find many jeans and t-shirts and definitely no moms in yoga pants. Oh, and let me introduce you to split pants. See the hole in the little babies pants? Yep, that is so he can just squat and pee or poop anywhere he chooses. Just like your pup at home. In malls, stores, anywhere. Some clean it up others cover with a napkin ( : guess it saves on the cost of diapers.

The areas of the cities we have visited are super clean and well taken care of. I have been impressed.
We went on a boat cruise of the river and were able to see the city at night. It really was beautiful. The canton tower is the second tallest "needle" like structure in the world.

The food has been good. We haven't had anything that has been knock your socks off good. It is hard when you don't have the locals helping you order. Guangzhou has many more options. We have had a couple good noodle dishes. There is a delishious pizza place near by and we hear some really good Mexican. We are ready to come home and eat some of our regular food. I question the meat I am eating at times and am not in love with the fruit. I feel like all we do is eat and it is a lot of carbs. Thankfully we are getting a lot of walking in.

Tomorrow we head to the US consulate to finalize all the paper work, then less than two more days till we fly home! I am so excited to see my girls and hold them tight. Good night, all.

Ps. We got a O a new transformers toy that he loves!

O update

Tyler and I were reading O a book before bed tonight laughing cause he is talking so much and it is so cute to hear. However, we are wondering if he is just using all the inappropriate words he has never been allowed to say, cause he talks really fast then laughs super hard after. Mama and baba are fools!

O has been awesome! I will have to say that ever since the "zoo" day, I have felt a little uneasy about all this. It is really hard not to take things personally or feel defeated when you think you are two steps ahead and then quickly move four steps back. One moment I would feel so much love and the next he would would hit and resist me. Deciphering what to do in those moments are hard too. We have read the books and watched the videos, but when you are actually in it, it is difficult to figure out. We are just sticking by him and letting him know we aren't going anywhere. It seems to be working.

We have had so many victories and I can say that today (Sunday) was the first day that I really felt like a mom to O. I may not feel this way tomorrow but I did today and it feels amazing. I am sure part of the reason I have been feeling sick is a bit from anxiety. I have had a similar uneasy feeling two or three other times in my life when I have faced a major life change. I don't like the unknown. The Lord protected me in the process of this adoption this past year and a half. I can honestly say that I have not had an ounce of worry about adding O to our family. After the incident at the zoo, I think I let the fear creep in. I let the worry change the way I think. I know better. My bible reading happen to fall right on Luke 12 today, reminding me to be anxious of nothing and always be prepared for action, for we do not know when trials or turmoil will strike.

I know we are so lucky. I have heard other adoption stories. I know people struggling with so much more than just bonding. I know this calm, even keeled, four year old has nothing on a hot tempered, screaming two year old who has no idea what is happening to them. We are lucky and I don't want to complain. I want to feel overly blessed. But I know others who are about to be in the same boat and hopefully my honesty will help.

He seems to really care about us. Every day he wants me to hold him or carry him more. On day one and two he didn't want to be carried at all. Now he locks his arms and legs around me and seems right at home. He runs up to hug both Tyler and I in random moments. He loves to share with us. Yesterday we went to the store and he had been eyeing the skittles. Tyler told him he could get them and he was so happy. O and I went to sit outside while Tyler finished up in the store. We opened his skittles and he ate one, shared the next one with me and got out the third one for dada. He held that thing in his hand yelling "baba" for five minutes with a giant, excited smile waiting for Tyler to exit the store. This is a pic of him waiting for baba. He is really sweet.

He can still be stubborn when he doesn't get what he wants, but those moments are becoming less and less. I feel if we could explain things to him he may have a more appropriate reaction. I was able to give him a warning that I was going to turn his show off today and he had a much better reaction than yesterday. His attitude is quickly changed with fun play as well. He really enjoyed wrestling on the bed with us today. I know we will go back and forth with these moments. We will be earning his trust for awhile. He will learn that we aren't taking things away or saying no just to make him mad but because we love him.

It's a perfect picture of us with Christ sometimes, isn't it? He keeps trying to show us his love for us. He wants us to trust him. He says no sometimes but only because he cares about us so much and knows what is best for us. But we resist. We keep ourselves from giving our whole selves to him because if we give him everything we are no longer in control.

I pray O gives up control, lets down his guard and lets us love him.

The language barrier is tough but I am in shock of how quickly he picks things up. He is pronouncing the girls' names so much better and is using more English words. You just have to practice with him when he is in the right mood.

The picture below is O with the other two kids from his orphanage, Fei Fei and Chen Chen.  They are so stinkin cute! I don't think O is super close with them but the two of them are best buds. Their cribs were right next to each other in the orphanage, they were in the same first orphanage and even have the same sur name and birthday. Watching them communicate makes me laugh every day. They have their own little language. I absolutely love it and wish I could have a translator. O and Chen Chen are the only boys in our group of 11 families. His parents are University of Auburn obsessed. Everyone in our group is from the South and the men have all been heckling each other about college football. Sounds like there are some intense rivalries.

I am happy to say that I am a little behind on my blogging because I am sleeping more. This is the first time I have stayed up past 8. It feels good to not be so sleepy and for my brain not going crazy thinking, analyzing and worrying at one am.

Again, I thank you all for your love and prayers. It means so much.

We just completed week one of a lifetime together. How awesome is that?! We have so much time to grow and I am grateful for that.

Guangzhou

I feel like our life just got switched from black and white to color. We woke up and looked out our new hotel window to find blue sky and a Starbucks sign. Halelujah! These (tiny) pics are from each hotel window.

I didn't realize how ready I was to leave Chongqing till we arrived here in Guangzhou. Chongqing was filled with very kind people and some great spicy food. The area where we stayed was very clean and our hotel was beautiful. It is where our son was born. It is a part of him. I loved getting to know the city and it's history. The rainy, grey and smoggy days were getting to me. I am used to that in the comfort of my own home but here in China it was starting to feel a bit depressing. Did I mention they add 300 cars a day to the roads there? Crazy traffic!

We spent Friday morning packing up our stuff and then headed to the airport in the afternoon. This is a picture of our group as we left the hotel. I really like all these people and feel very blessed to be traveling with them.

We were worried about O getting sick on the plane so one of the other moms gave me some kids Dramamine to give to him. He passed out cold in the van and slept on me through the entire airport wait. Oops! I felt bad. I don't usually give my kids drugs. But, hey, he didn't get sick. He did great on the plane and watched some Mickey Mouse. It was just a short 1:45 plane ride. We arrived in Guangzhou at 8:30. By the time we arrived at our hotel it was after ten and we were tired.

The hotel is pretty amazing. And the area around our hotel seems pretty happening. I am not big on neon but it is kinda cool to see here, on a vacation, flashing everywhere. The walls are covered in gold art and we were greeted with VIP service everywhere. A soccer team walked in the door right after us with giant body guards. We were told later it was Manchester United. I am not positive on that but there were fans with cameras at the bottom of the elevators waiting for pics all day yesterday.

Yesterday, (Saturday) we spent the morning at the doctors. O needed to be seen by a nurse, an ENT doc and a regular physician. He also got a TB test. We shared the appointment with ten other families from our agency, as well as 20 families adopting from different agencies. For being crammed in a small medical facility with a bunch of people who don't speak Chinese it wasn't too bad. It got hot, but we moved through the lines rather quickly. Everyone said he looked good and we will get the TB results tomorrow. Keep praying for that please.

When we returned we went to have lunch with friends and while Tyler went and did two hours of paper work with our agency staff, O and I played in the room. We worked on colors and numbers. He enjoyed the videos on YouTube. He can already write numbers one thru five. He is so smart!

We found the outdoor play area in our hotel. He came to life for the first time around other kids. He laughed and played with others there and seemed so happy. I can't wait to show him play grounds at home. He loves a video someone sent us of the girls on swings and laughs watching the recent video we got from Dylan of D in the snow.

We walked to get pizza last night but I could tell he was starting to lose it. We decided to get it to go and eat in our room. We put him to bed for the first time by him self and he did great. This hotel room has a separate living area where we can hang out after he goes to bed. Not that I need it cause I am ready when he is.

I slept 9 hours and I think the boys slept 11. Felt so good!

For those of you who have asked I am feeling much better. In fact, today is the first day since last Wednesday that I have not felt dizzy and nauseous. Thank you so much for your prayers. They helped!

I am sure you are all wondering about O. I will write about that next. Promise!

today.

"Momma said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my momma said." China has brought out the spirit of song in me. Maybe because I haven't listened to any music in awhile and I am missing it. But that song pretty much sums up yesterday.

My mom didn't prep me for days like this but all the books, videos and social workers gave us a good heads up that days two, three and four... heck, one hundred and four, may be tough.

The night after the orphanage visit we saw a little bit of O's stubbornness come out. He wouldn't look at us and at one point and went and lay under the nightstand to get away from us. We gave him some space and then started a fun game with the balloons and he was reeled right back in. He was laughing all while trying to be tough. He is so cute and similar to D in some ways. We ended the night with books and kisses.

Yesterday we headed out for some sightseeing. We were told we would be back by noon, yet didn't walk in the door to the hotel till 2:30. We were exhausted and hungry to say the least. We took our tour bus on a stop and go ride through crazy traffic to the zoo. Poor O threw up again, but thankfully I saw it coming and we got him to the window just in time.

That was the least of it cause as we stepped off the bus our troubles began. Right when our feet hit the pavement an old lady street vender put a little pin wheel spiny toy right into O's hand. We told her no and gave it back to her. It was more of a reaction to her ugly persistence than it was to not letting O have the toy, but he freaked out! We have seen him stomp his feet once or twice but other than that he has not shown much emotion and definitely not been demanding or defiant. He was mad at us and he let us know. The tears started flowing and the screams were so loud. We continued to walk into the zoo with our screaming child, sure he would calm down in a minute or at least when I gave him a cookie. No! He was mad.

We went back and forth debating whether to leave him alone and let him have his moment or hold him. We choose to hold him and kept telling him we loved him and it was ok. I just kept wiping tears as he punched me in the arm. It took everything in me not to break down. The tears started coming and I just asked The Lord to hold them cause I could not let him see me cry too. I just wanted to know if this was all about the toy or was there so much more behind these tears. We just got off the bus that took him to his orphanage the day before. Was he sad, confused, still sick? My heart hurt for him and there was nothing to be done. The amazing part was that even though he threw us a couple
good punches he never tried to get out of our arms.

I cannot explain the looks we were given. The other families were great and helpful. One mom reminded me of how good it is that they cry. Kind of a breakthrough in this hard and stoic little person. We finally got him to calm with a yogurt drink and some pandas but it felt like a lifetime later. He was off and on, happy and stubborn the rest of the zoo trip. One thing was for sure he could
have cared less about the animals. I was right there with him. I was not feeling well, so my amazing husband took one for the team and was super intentional and playful the rest of the trip.

On our way to board the bus Tyler ran ahead to buy a spiny toy from a DIFFERENT lady and gave it to O as we left. If that were our girls we would never have done that but this was different. There is a communication barrier that keeps us from explaining why he didn't get it. It was placed in his hands and then ripped away. Not very fair. We wanted daddy to gift it to him, not a stranger. And we just wanted to see him smile. It worked.

From there we went and saw where the two rivers meet in the middle of Chongqing. We saw all the boats and people at the harbor. You can see the evil pinwheel toy here.

We then went and saw China town. I can't give you much detail about this cause I was just ready to go. The architecture was pretty magnificent though. We got O a banyan leave painting which are suppose to be unique to Chongqing.

The day got better with O. He wanted us to hold him and he showered us with kisses. At times he got mad and showed hi stubborn side when we said no to more sugar or more escalator rides but he is so sweet and he knows we are his people. We stood back a couple times in the group setting to see what he would do and every time there was just a little distance between us he would look to find us and smile. These sweet little moments are our victories.

You may be wondering how communication is going. It is actually great. He understands potty, coat, shoes, brush teeth, momma, dada, let's go, eat, sleep, and a bunch more. Did you know the baby words for poop and daddy are the same? So funny so we are trying to teach dada to not confuse the poor guy. We have learned some basic phrases but they are all so tonal that we are probably butchering them and turning them into cuss words. We just thought we would stick with English. He can count to three "one, two, twa." His voice is so cute. He also says Lu's name but can't do D's. He says, "I love you mama" and "I love you baba." Ah, melts your heart even though he may not know what it means. Right now we are working on please.

To sum it up, some moments feel like babysitting a relative who you love, but just wants to go home to mom. And other moments feel not an ounce different than taking care of our girls.

Those of you at home with our girls can probably relate. I know each of you love them so incredibly much but I am sure they are being difficult at times. I am sure they are working their magic and manipulating you (I have already heard stories). I am sure they are sad and lost about why momma and daddy are gone for so long and are acting out in their confusion. But I bet you are getting glimpses of joy (I hope).

Funny as I typed that last sentence I got an email from my sister telling me how a bunch of family and friends are going to the house to have pizza with the girls. Made me cry, and I don't like to cry. We are so blessed. I love my house full of people. It is one of my favorite things. Can't tell you how happy it makes me to know it is still full without us there. Love you guys!

Thank you all for your love and feedback. We love hearing from home so please email. We take off on our first plane ride tonight for the second half of this trip. It is a short ride to where the US consulate is and we do the US portion of the adoption.

Please pray that O doesn't get sick and that it's an easy ride.
Please pray for my health as I have not been feeling good.
If O is diagnosed with TB during the medical visit there, we are stuck here for 6-8 weeks. Pray that does not happen!
And please pray for the bonding to keep happening. We feel pretty good about it all so far and love him so much!

paths

I was wide awake at 1:30 am again this morning. It is frustrating when I can't get back to sleep but sometimes my mind starts spinning in good ways. I lay there pondering the moment we left the orphanage. Where do we go from there? How do I show this boy that I am mom and how do we walk this road of attachment and bonding? The Lord presented three paths for me. We could leave the orphanage together on the subway, the bus (our only actual way to leave together), or by foot.

The subway would be quick, cheap and easy. We would most likely pass out with our eyes closed. I may stare down and my iPhone checking updates, but the ride would take place in total darkness with little interaction between the two of us, let alone with anyone else.

The bus would look very similar. We may have a bit more scenery that would pass by quickly and we would most likely visit and interact with the people in our group. Still little interaction with each other but it would be safe and comfortable.

Traveling by foot would be difficult. We would face unbelievable challenges. We would get tired, cold, hungry and maybe even hurt but oh how he would learn to trust me. He would be forced to lean on me for help. He would be forced to find strength in me when he is weak. He would first hand witness me providing for his every need. If we are lucky, we may learn from others along the way and we would rejoice in the beauty around us. We would bond. He would attach.

The bible speaks over and over again about how we have been adopted by God and rescued through the blood of Christ. He has brought us into his eternal kingdom because He loves us so much. If you haven't watched this video please do. It is one of the things that tugged on my heart strings and led me to this place.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWHJ6-YhSYQ

God's heart is adoption. He adopted us and he wants to walk with us on the hard and narrow path he has called us to. He doesn't want us taking the subway where it is dark. He doesn't want us looking down on the short, easy and selfish journey all while missing out on the incredible, beautiful life He has for us.

He doesn't want us riding the bus where life is safe. He doesn't want us only interacting with those we know and are comfortable with. He doesn't want us to get small glimpses of his beauty safely inside our comfort walls where we can continue to be self sufficient.

He wants to walk with us. He wants to take our hand and guide us through life. He wants to bring us to a place where we solely rely on him. He wants us to see his marvelous beauty from the mountain
tops without our cell phones in hand. He wants us to meet strangers and exchange love.  He wants to
comfort us when we are hurt. He wants us to feed us when we are hungry. He wants to give us
strength when we are weak. He wants to bond. He wants to attach. But we must first must make the choice to take the journey with him.

I can tell you that I choose all kinds of transportation. I go back and forth. You would think I would know by now but how sweet it is when I choose the walk. I have never felt such love, joy and peace.

This journey to little O has been tough at times, yet so easy knowing Christ is with us. Today was hard. I will tell you about it later. O has showed some resistance and pain that breaks this momma's heart. But he is so sweet and I am so grateful that every difficult steps brings us closer. Praise God!

Here are some pics from the visit yesterday. These are of his classroom, his bed and his foster momma. Sweetness!

We ended the day yesterday (after the orphanage visit) with his first swim, which he loved and his
first pizza, which he did not.

Thanks for listening. Hard not to share when The Lord puts something on your heart.