paths

I was wide awake at 1:30 am again this morning. It is frustrating when I can't get back to sleep but sometimes my mind starts spinning in good ways. I lay there pondering the moment we left the orphanage. Where do we go from there? How do I show this boy that I am mom and how do we walk this road of attachment and bonding? The Lord presented three paths for me. We could leave the orphanage together on the subway, the bus (our only actual way to leave together), or by foot.

The subway would be quick, cheap and easy. We would most likely pass out with our eyes closed. I may stare down and my iPhone checking updates, but the ride would take place in total darkness with little interaction between the two of us, let alone with anyone else.

The bus would look very similar. We may have a bit more scenery that would pass by quickly and we would most likely visit and interact with the people in our group. Still little interaction with each other but it would be safe and comfortable.

Traveling by foot would be difficult. We would face unbelievable challenges. We would get tired, cold, hungry and maybe even hurt but oh how he would learn to trust me. He would be forced to lean on me for help. He would be forced to find strength in me when he is weak. He would first hand witness me providing for his every need. If we are lucky, we may learn from others along the way and we would rejoice in the beauty around us. We would bond. He would attach.

The bible speaks over and over again about how we have been adopted by God and rescued through the blood of Christ. He has brought us into his eternal kingdom because He loves us so much. If you haven't watched this video please do. It is one of the things that tugged on my heart strings and led me to this place.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWHJ6-YhSYQ

God's heart is adoption. He adopted us and he wants to walk with us on the hard and narrow path he has called us to. He doesn't want us taking the subway where it is dark. He doesn't want us looking down on the short, easy and selfish journey all while missing out on the incredible, beautiful life He has for us.

He doesn't want us riding the bus where life is safe. He doesn't want us only interacting with those we know and are comfortable with. He doesn't want us to get small glimpses of his beauty safely inside our comfort walls where we can continue to be self sufficient.

He wants to walk with us. He wants to take our hand and guide us through life. He wants to bring us to a place where we solely rely on him. He wants us to see his marvelous beauty from the mountain
tops without our cell phones in hand. He wants us to meet strangers and exchange love.  He wants to
comfort us when we are hurt. He wants us to feed us when we are hungry. He wants to give us
strength when we are weak. He wants to bond. He wants to attach. But we must first must make the choice to take the journey with him.

I can tell you that I choose all kinds of transportation. I go back and forth. You would think I would know by now but how sweet it is when I choose the walk. I have never felt such love, joy and peace.

This journey to little O has been tough at times, yet so easy knowing Christ is with us. Today was hard. I will tell you about it later. O has showed some resistance and pain that breaks this momma's heart. But he is so sweet and I am so grateful that every difficult steps brings us closer. Praise God!

Here are some pics from the visit yesterday. These are of his classroom, his bed and his foster momma. Sweetness!

We ended the day yesterday (after the orphanage visit) with his first swim, which he loved and his
first pizza, which he did not.

Thanks for listening. Hard not to share when The Lord puts something on your heart.

orphanage visit

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a big day. I have known we would have the chance to visit the orphanage through out this entire process and to be honest, I have dreaded it. O lived with a foster family this past year and I didn't think I could bare the tears and emotions involved in that final good bye. But I knew this is a part of his history that he may not remember, and I knew we needed to see it so we could document and remember it for him, irregardless of how uncomfortable I felt. 

After finishing what was a much smaller breakfast than the day before, we met our guide and boarded the bus to Love Manor orphanage about an hour away up in the mountains. Three of the four kids in our group are from Love Manor. Love Manor is a mega orphanage. It was actually created to be the best and biggest orphanage in China. It was built just years ago and can hold up to 15,000 children. Today there are about 500 kids. UNICEF was involved with implementing the fostering system there. The government actually hires families to live in an apartment on campus and foster up to four kids each. Many of the dads work outside the orphanage and the moms stay to care for the kids. It is a pretty neat system and not a common one. 

Our guide explained to O where we were going and that we were going to say goodbye to his friends. He told him that he would be coming home with us. O nodded his head and seemed to be ok with it all. We bought some toys to give to the orphanage and he just clung to them super tight while sitting on my lap the entire bus ride. The drive through Chongqing is pretty amazing. Take Seattle's sky scrapers in a cluster and multiply that by more than 50. They go on and on and on. 

We were about ten minutes from the orphanage when I noticed O being a bit funny and seconds later he puked all over me and the bus. Oh joy! I had brought extra clothes for him but not me. I felt so bad for the little guy whose facial expression did not change the entire time. Straight stoic. Our guide said Chinese people are more prone to car sickness and especially the little kids who don't ever ride in cars. Add a super curvy road and I am sure some crazy nerves to that and we were destined for 

disaster. Everyone was so great and with a lot of wipes and plastic bags we got our self presentable. However, Tyler kept reminding me how bad I smelt. It was pretty terrible. Another little guy waited till we got out if the van and did the same thing. Poor fellas. 

All the details of the visit would take a super long post and I don't know how many details I should save for just O but it was emotional. We saw his classroom first where he was smothered by his teachers. Four or five just started shouting "Biao Biao" (his Chinese nick name and what we call him now). They asked him lots of questions to which he nodded yes. I really wish I knew what they were saying. He didn't smile the whole time and just stood back clinging to those toys. I wish I could have read his mind. 

The kids in his class were the most precious little things. All with much more severe special needs then him. I cannot describe how it felt to picture him in this room everyday. But one thing is for 

absolute certain, he was loved! The adults there cared about him and were very happy and excited 

about his new mama and baba. Most of the pictures we took were on our other camera so I only have pics from Tyler's phone to share. I wish I would have taken a picture of every face so I could plea with you all to consider bringing them home. They are all so cute and deserve a loving family. Here is the link to our agency and you will see many of the kids from his class and foster home. 

http://lifelinechild.org/love-manor/

Did you know that if 8% of people who claim to believe in the gospel took care of one orphan there would be no more crisis? Did you know that 80% of American couples have considered adoption and only half of 1% actually follow through? I pray that if it is something you want to do that you don't let money or fear hold you back (more on that later).

We then headed to see where he lived. His foster dad is a chef at the orphanage so we were able to stop there and say Thank you and good bye. This is where the tears started flowing for me. Meeting this man who cared for my son was pretty special. He grabbed and gave him a big squeeze and told him to be a good boy. Still no smiles from O, he just kept right on marching to the foster home. 

When we got there and he saw his foster mom it all changed. He ran in and gave her a giant hug and had a huge smile on his face. She was so sweet and very excited for him to have a family. No tears were shed just pure happiness and joy. It was really cool. His foster siblings came home and O shouted to them, "I brought you guys toys!" What a sweet little heart he has. It was fun to watch him play with these kids for a bit. They are all up for adoption. How they came to be 8 and not be adopted I do not know. They are so sweet! 

He then waved goodbye and was ready to board the bus. I am going to pick up where I left off in a bit...

today was a good day...

Yes, that title is to the tune of Ice Cube's classic. We had a great first 24 hours together which in the adoption world is called the "harmonious period." It is the 24 hours they give you to decide if you want to continue with the adoption of this child. I am happy to say we were pleased ( ;

Tyler and I woke up very early Tuesday morning and basically waited excitedly for O to wake. We were told he slept 9 to 6:30 but the last two days have been 8 to 7:45. He opened his eyes with a giant smile and got right back to playing with toys. We headed down to breakfast where he accomplished this...

He is an amazing eater. We let him pick all the foods and he sure knew what he wanted and what he didn't.

I didn't pack shoes for him since I didn't know his size, and the ones he came in were (how can I say it nicely?) gross, so we headed out shoe shopping. It was very rainy which I think O liked. I don't think they got out in the rain much. We headed to the mall to find some old school new balances that daddy wanted to get him but there were none in his size. There was actually a fire in the mall so we killed some time walking in the rain till it opened. Scary place to have a fire cause the mall keeps going down and down. This one was is made in an old WWII bomb shelter. No worries it wasn't a
huge fire and we didn't stick around long.

We ended up at the Gap and found some we all liked. It is fun to watch daddy finally get excited for kid clothes. We ate some lunch and headed back to the hotel for a nap. We didn't realize how late it was and as soon  as we turned out the lights to rest we had to hop right up to get ready to meet our guide. Needless to say nap time did not happen.

O had been so great! Still sharing, respectful and even ran to hug us when other people tried to talk to him. This is a great sign in the attachment world. He gave us our first kisses and we heard his first giggles. Which are the cutest sounds ever. We met our guide downstairs and boarded the bus to return to the civil affairs building where we had met him the day before. Here we would complete paperwork and have a short ceremony to officially adopt him from the Chinese government.


When we arrived at the building we started to see a new little O. We knew he had missed his nap, he walked around a TON all morning and has been crazy stimulated. It was bad on our part.

He showed a bit more stubbornness and said no to us for the first time and even raised his hand at me (this may shock you but my bio kids have done this plenty to me so why would I be so surprised by this lil fella). It was the first time he gave us any negative feedback and even though you hear that is probably going to come over the course of the next month you still feel a bit defeated. Luckily I have an amazing husband and we just looked at each other and said, "alright, this may be the beginning of some resistance but we can't get frustrated." What this little guy is going through is much bigger than our poor feelings, frustration or tiredness. We are just gonna pour love on this little man.

We had the ceremony and it was pretty awesome. Having them ask us if we would promise to care for him and never abandon or abuse him got me pretty choked up. I wanted to shout, "We promise to do
so much more than that!"

Reminds me of Christ who promises us so much more than what we actually care to understand sometimes. If only we had a true understanding of ALL his amazing promises we could be free of worry, stress and self-doubt.

It was pretty special, to say the least. Wish all of the wonderful people who have supported us in this journey could have been there.

After we left he was back to his sweet self again. He seems to feel connected with both of us. We
heard it is common to bond with one parent at first, but he treats us pretty equal. That night we went to dinner and wanted both of us to carry him, which is a first. He doesn't seem to like to be carried and very sad cause he actually doesn't seem to know how to be carried. I am sure it has been awhile but he is catching on. He is super independent and wants to try everything himself. Creature of his environment, I suppose.

Sometimes I can get sad when I think of his past and all his firsts I missed or all the things he missed out on in those first four years of life but I am continually reminded that this is where our stories were suppose to meet. God had it planned out. Me dwelling on the past will get us no where. I am so excited for all the stuff we have to look forward to. I know we will have good days and some really rough ones but I will "seek The Lord and His strength." Psalms 105:4.

We watched Cars in our room before bed. He loved it! Cracked up the whole time. Did I say I love his high pitched little laugh? Priceless!

 

Today (which is Wednesday afternoon now) was a big day Just to leave you hanging...  there were tears and puke ( ;  More soon! I am tired.

day one with O

Good morning. I am very happy to say that it is 4:30 am instead of one. Our heads hit the pillow at 7:45 and we were out. When we got lil O's schedule and routine the first thing we saw was a 9 o'clock bed time. We new it would need to be the first thing to change and we are happy to say he adjusted nicely. Who knows how long he layer and stared at the ceiling cause mom and dad were out!

I am typing from the bathroom floor right now trying not to wake the boys (love saying that). I am excited to keep this journal to someday show lil O, so pardon me for being too detailed. And I am using an iPad that I am not very familiar with. Please bare with me.

Yesterday was one of the weirdest and best days ever. The anticipation leading up to meeting your already four year old son is very surreal. I remember heading to the hospital in labor with both our girls and looking at Tyler and saying, "well, here we go. We are having a baby today." It is the BEST feeling but you know there is a lot of work (and pain) that keeps you pretty distracted that day. This was just strictly waiting. I can't describe it. I don't think it is a natural feeling cause I know this is not the way God intended families to be brought together. But so thankful how he prepares our heart and guides us in dealing with a broken world.

We started our day with a very early breakfast. We get a free buffet that has a great variety of American and Chinese cuisine. It is tasty. We then went back to the room to get ready and met our guide Michael and three other families to go over paper work. We received lil O's finding ad. This is the news paper article saying he was abandoned and that his birth family had three months to "claim" him before he would be logged into the system as an orphan. We are very grateful to have this piece of his past because we don't have much. This also listed the date and place he was found. We were hoping to visit this place but we were told it is over two hours away near the first orphanage he was at.

After the paper work we went to the baby store to get him some snacks and a sippy cup to take with us and went out to lunch with another couple, Casey and Trace. We are so thankful they are here. They are from Alabama and Trace is a pastor in college ministry. We got to hear a bit about their story. They have two boys the same ages as our girls and are adopting a little boy who was in lil O's same play group. I loved what they said when we asked them what lead them to adoption. They said they had always wanted to and then didn't really need to pray about because the bible kinda spells it out for us. "We are just suppose to do this." The other two couples are very nice too. One family brought their two older daughters, ages 8 and 10 maybe. That was so fun to watch meet their little sister. Made me very excited to have our three munchkins together.

After lunch we quickly gathered our things and met the group in the lobby. We boarded the bus and drove about 30 minutes to the civil affairs building. We were told the kids from Love Manor (O's orphanage) wouldn't be there for an hour. Sigh! Since that was three of the four kids we got to all sit and watch one family meet their daughter and take pics for them. It was so cute and she was a little spit fire. Our nerves were settled as we realized these are just kids excited to hang with some new people and get some new toys. We have read that a lot of grief comes later when they figure this is real and forever. Praying to skip this phase ( ;

So after, what felt like a lot of waiting, we heard little feet and voices from down the hall. A group of kids and nannies walked in and there he was... the tallest kid in the group. So cute and wearing the same bomber jacket we have seen in many pictures. The nannies were talking to him and I think indroducing him to his mama and baba. He leaned in for an armless hug (We are used to these from D) for each of us and then frantically wanted the plastic bag which contained his belongings. I thought "how cute" cause all that was in there were the crocs and photo album we had sent him but later realized there were cookies in there ( : He was very shy but snugly at first, giving us little crooked smiles. We gave him a treat that we bought and that got him ver excited. He wants to open and do everything himself. No help! He was super stoked about the match box cars and he and daddy started playing right away. So fun to watch this boy bond happen in minutes.

We then got to ask his nannies questions about his personality and life at the orphanage. Some things they said: smart but does not speak a lot of long sentences and struggles with some speech due to his cleft palate (which is closed now), loves outdoors, loves things with motors, likes playing with other kids, very sweet and polite but can be stubborn, shy at first but then warms up to new people, very good eater and sleeper. We met some of his teachers as well. They seemed to all love him very much and were very happy for him to have a family.

He seemed very excited and happy the whole time and just waved good bye to his nannies like it was no big thing. Once we got in the bus he was less expressive and very quiet. It had to be a lot of stimulation for him. They don't ever leave the orphanage. We played back in the room for the rest of the night. He dug into his suitcase like it was Christmas. He really enjoyed coloring. He is very good at drawing but unfortunately I have no idea what it says or means. Daddy gave him a bath where we discovered he is super ticklish. So funny! We had read that kids in orphanages may be very possessive of their things and especially food. This appears to be very true of him. He held onto his plastic bag so tight and did not want to give those cars up that we gave him. He had food hidden in his pocket which he thought was so funny. He gobbled down some Mcdonalds (we heard kids like fries) and kept one hand on it till it was gone. Makes me sad but also excited to show him that he does not need to live like that any more and all his needs will be provided for from here on out. The sweetest part was even though he would cling to his food, he continually shared with us. He would bring each of us a seed or fry with a huge smile on his face. It was so cute!

It was a great first night. He laughed a lot. He likes it when mama and baba are silly. He even started talking a bunch and said Henna and Lu's name. He has slept all night and probably kicked me in the face 50 times but I loved every one. Excited for what today holds. We will go back to the civil affairs building and fill out paper work that will officially make him our son!

Oh! And did I mention he is much bigger then we anticipated? We will try on the clothes I brought today and see how they work but he definitely weighs more than D. Luckily there is Gap and H&M across the street ( ; I admire you if you read this far! Love you all.

meet lil O

Today was great and amazing. I will share details later. I am too tired to spend any more time on this so I am just going to share these tiny pictures and let you know what we have learned about this little man thus far.

1. He is so amazingly cute!
2. He is smart. He can draw and color very well. We have enjoyed coloring together.
3. He is all boy. He loves cars and trucks.
4. He wants to clean up his toys before he gets anything else out. (Momma likes this)
5. He is very kind and polite.
6. He is calm but gets excited during play
7. He is VERY ticklish.
8. And this kid loves to eat! When we met him he had fruit and sunflower seeds stashed in his pockets and he just ate an adult meal from mcdonalds. The sweet thing is that he is always sharing with us.

Tomorrow we officially adopt him as one of our own. Praying for a good night sleep cause momma and baba are tired! Nigh night!

one hundred years.

Today my grandpa turns one hundred years old. I am so sad to miss his party but I know the family is gathered and he has a big smile on his face because he loves his family. I have looked forward to this birthday for awhile... pictured his face on Willard Scott's smuckers birthday announcements on the Today Show. I am bummed I am not there, but if there is any reason to miss it I guess this is it. I am happy to forever have the memory of the day we met our son linked with the start of grandpa's hundredth year of life. I am excited to introduce them soon. Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

This morning started early here in China. We fell asleep at 8 and both woke up, wide eyed and bushy tailed at 1:30am. We tried to watch TV, but the only thing in English was Jurassic Park. Not a good sleeping movie. We tried reading, listening to a sermon, praying, everything, but nothing seemed to work. Tyler reminded me, "His strength is made perfect in our weakness." I will need to dwell in that today cause I already feel like a zombie.

Our heads our spinning about what lay ahead. Lots of excitement but I have to confess that my heart is pretty heavy for this little guy. Everything in his world is about to change and I cannot imagine how confusing this must be for his little four year old brain. New bed, new food, new people and faces, and add a whole new language to that. Yikes!

In the end, he will have a mom and dad, sisters, and a home. And most importantly a whole lotta love poured on him. We are so excited to meet him and begin our life together. Today there will be one less orphan. Praise God! "Today is the day The Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it."

Since we got up early we headed to the breakfast buffet early for our noodles and coffee. They were yummy. The buffet is good! Thanks to my man for being my model in all these shots. Sorry they are so small. We are working on that but can't quite figure it out. Next time I check in I will be introducing you to our boy!

Chongqing

Saturday, November 9, 2013 did not exist for us. We left Friday morning and arrived in Chongqing after midnight on Sunday. Our heads hit the pillow at 1:53am.  It was a long day of travel but we made it! We are very thankful we decided to arrive a day before we meet Lil O because we are pretty tired today. It was difficult to sleep in, so our bodies are a bit wacky.

The flights were great. We flew on two Asian airlines which felt like we were traveling in the 1960's. We felt like foreigners the minute we boarded in Seattle but everyone was very nice. We had an empty seat between us for the 11 hour flight. Such a blessing. It was crazy to picture this little man flying home with us in that very seat. Tyler and I were both saying how surreal it feels to actually be heading to China. This adoption process has seem so long that we never thought we would actually get to this point, but here we are!

We met our guide Michael at the airport. He has been guiding adoptive families for 15 years. He gave us some fun facts about Chongqing: It is the largest city in the world in both population and area. Eight million people live in the city center and 32 million in the municipality. It is roughly the size of Austria. It is the sister city to Seattle. It is home to the world's largest dam on the Yangtze River. Millions of people were displaced when they built the dam and sent here to the city. 

Right now the weather is decent at about 70 degrees but very smoggy. We can see a little of the mountain side. We toured the shopping and grocery stores near our hotel this morning and have the rest of the day to ourselves. The hotel is VERY nice. I took a couple pics and will take more throughout the week.

We got to talk to talk to D and Lu (gonna shorten their names for the sake if the World Wide Web) when we woke up and saw their sweet faces. We miss them so much. Can't wait to be home, but we are going to soak up this experience. We will meet lil O in exactly 24 hours. That is about 9:30 tomorrow night for you all. Please pray for us and mostly him if you think of it. This is such a huge deal and is going to rock his world. We know he will experience grief and loss and may be very confused but we are praying that the Lord will shower him in comfort and peace. Thank you! Love you all.

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