"Leavin on a jet plane...

don't know when I'll be back again"

We go to bed tonight, wake up early and head straight to the airport. We are excited! We have a lay over in Beijing and then take an eleven hour flight straight to Seattle. I hope O sleeps. I think he will on that long flight. Either way he seems to like movies... that should keep him happy.

The last couple days have been good. They are good days with some tough moments here and there.
Yesterday we completed the last of the paperwork. Hallelujah! We took oath at the US consulate and finished up the US portion of things. We then went to visit the botanical gardens. We choose this over the zoo ( : The park was cool but really weird. There were these circus like decorations everywhere. I think they were finishing up a festival of some sorts.

Daddy took O to get his hair cut. He looks very handsome.

Today we went to Shaiman Island to do some shopping. It was really pretty and just fun to hang with friends outside.

We ended our evening at a delicious restaurant with two other couples we have met here. Best food we have yet on this trip. Of course we find it on our final night. I will miss these families. It has been so nice to have people here who know exactly what you are going through and how you are feeling. I am grateful. Here are their kids. Cuties!

We are excited to be home and start life as a family of five.

Please pray for our flight. Pray we can get back on a good sleep schedule quickly. Please pray for our girls to accept O and love him as much as we do. Pray that O transitions well. Three orphanages, two hotel rooms, and now a new house has to be very confusing. Please pray he understands this is his forever family and be happy and comfortable in his new home. Pray for Tyler and I to have patience and understanding for all the kids.

I plan to continue blogging to share updates on the family. Feel free to check in. It may be a very important outlet for me in the next couple months.

Hope to see you all soon.

your awesomness

Did you know we didn't have a dime put away for this adoption when we started? We knew if we were going to come up with the funds to do this it would have to completely be from God. We told The Lord to open doors if he wanted us to continue and he pretty much picked us up and carried us through.

We didn't feel comfortable asking others for money. Technically we "had" the money. We could drain retirement accounts and have enough, but we weren't sure if that was what The Lord wanted us to do. We know the money doesn't belong to us so if he wants, it's his to take. I could go into great detail on how we received every dime but the reality is that The Lord worked miracles until the day before we left to cover every cost.

We are very aware that he did not accomplish this task alone. He uses others as his hands and feet and we are so incredibly grateful. He worked this miracle of adoption through the incredible generosity of others. I don't know why every time someone choose to bless us, I sat in shock and amazement. People with little themselves, people who just said this money is not my own, people who wanted to see their money go to "something good." Pure selflessness.

I am constantly amazed by the people in my life who I have the honor of calling friends and family. Tyler and I always talk about how blessed we are by the people in our lives. We love living in constant community sharing life with beautiful people. Kind, thoughtful, selfless, funny, amazing people. People who inspire us, people who teach us, challenge us and encourage us. People who love our family and love others. I pray our kids see the beauty in community. I pray they see the joy in building relationships. I pray they never get tired of our house full of people. And I pray that they someday have friends and family like we do.

Beyond money, so many of you have helped us in some of the most important ways possible. You have prayed with us, watched adoption videos with us, talked to us about our heart for adoption and when you may not have understood it, you have loved us and supported us through it. You have showered us with gifts for O. You have watched our girls while I paint furniture, go to appointments, and prep for O. You have helped me pack and shop. You have brought us dinner. You have loved my husband. He has the most amazing group of "brothers" who love and honor family and love The Lord. I am super grateful for them. And I know I have said this multiple times, but you have loved our girls. So many of you have offered to watch them and play with them. Some of you are sacrificing work and to some extent your own family to help care for them. Being away from them for two weeks has been so hard but I have so much comfort in knowing they are so well loved and cared for.

Thank you is not enough. I cannot find the words for you all. Our friends, our family our amazing church. You guys know how to love. We feel loved. We promise to live a life paying it back that love to each of you.

In the next coming months we are going to live a pretty low key life. I am so excited for this right now but know I will probably go stir crazy. However it is really important for bonding and attachment with O. We have learned a lot about the incredible way The Lord has made babies and how they are created to attach and have their needs met by their momma in those early years. When there is no momma they may attach to a caregiver or anyone who meets their basic needs. I could go on and on about this, but for now I encourage you to read up on it if you have questions and trust us that O needs to have his needs met by us and no one else for now in order to learn that we are his mom and dad.

I adapted this list of DOs and DON'Ts from a friend's blog that may help you understand what we need.

DO’S

• PRAY!! Pray for O's transition, as well as the rest of our family. Pray for a deep attachment. Pray that we will not lose our sanity, as we cocoon! I am an on-the-go sort of mom. I start to go bonkers after two straight days in the house, so this is going to be a BIG challenge for me.
• Encouragement: Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to give an adoptive family space. You can still express care through cards, a meal, emails, etc. We just won’t be throwing any parties for a while. But I will need some adult contact. If I offer help or interaction please take me up on it. 
• Direct O to us. For example, “let’s ask your mom if that’s OK” or “I bet your daddy would like that; why don’t you show him?”
• Care for D and Lue. This is going to be tough for them. They will also be transitioning and will need attention and encouragement. Make them feel special and important.
• Read and educate yourself about attachment parenting and share this with others. Heck, even with us! We’re still learning!

DON’TS

• Physical interaction with O: Children coming from orphanage settings can be prone to attach too easily with anyone and everyone. This hinders the important child/parent bond from developing. For a while, Tyler and I need to be the only ones holding him. We ask that you do not try to take him from us or excessively give hugs and kisses. You may give him quick hugs and kisses, while he remains in our arms. Waving, blowing kisses, high fives are totally appropriate and welcomed! We want O to know you are trusted family and friends.
• Meeting his needs: Children from orphanages can become overly charming toward adults as a survival mechanism. We want to avoid this indiscriminate attachment/affection, as it would really set back our family bonding and can have far-reaching affects as he grows older. If O needs food, a drink, affection, or comfort, please allow Tyler and I to meet those needs. This is necessary for him to begin understanding that we are his parents.
• Gifts: If you want to give a gift to O, please ask us first. We’ve been advised to give him all gifts from our hands for the first few months home. You are welcome to save them. 
• Comparisons: Please do not compare to biological parenting. Attachment parenting is, in many ways, opposite of traditional parenting. Please trust and respect our choices.
• Assumptions: Don’t assume O is “relieved,” “grateful” or “excited” that he's been adopted. This is a life-altering difficult transition for many of these children.

We plan to adjust all this as we see fit so just be patient. We will be learning as we go. And please don't be hurt or offended if he shy's away from you. This is actually a good thing for us. Oh, and he has a good Seubert scowl already. Don't take it personally, he will have an amazing relationship with all of you soon. 

You are awesome. We love you and we are so thankful for each of you.

people and food

The last two days have been spent shopping. Tyler has REALLY enjoyed it. The mall crammed with 4000 stores of just beads got him really excited. Regardless, we saw some cool markets and today were able to venture out on our own and found a beautiful park.

My favorite part of the park was people watching. Everyone is doing something different. We saw a couple younger apoplectic jogging but the majority of people were doing dancing excercises or Tai chi. So cool to watch these old traditions still used. Others were stretching. One lady was practicing singing while others were playing instruments. They played cards, painted with giant paint brushes and laughed with loved ones.

One of my favorite things to see in all of China so far is the love everyone has for children. Everywhere, you see grandparents holding the hands of their small grandchildren. It is a sweet sight. It is hard to see the beautiful family dynamic here in China and not think of O's birth family. We know nothing of them. As a momma who has given birth to two babies I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through in giving him up. I can speculate why she did it and how she felt but
honestly I have no idea.

I can examine the facts and the facts are that China allows families to have one child in urban areas. And if you can have one child, most people in this culture want one who is healthy, and many want a boy. Fortunately the one child laws have been relaxed since 2008 (you may have heard all the news on that in the last couple days). International adoptions have slowed down since then as well, because many families are paying the fee (which is equivalent to one year salary) to keep their second child and domestic adoption has even increased (awesome). However, the need to adopt special need children is still great because most families cannot afford the medical costs that come with these kids. Many of you have asked why there are boys available for adoption. This is why. You will not find many healthy boys for adoption in China. In fact, the wait list to adopt a healthy child from China is about 7 years. Yes, at one point you found almost all girls in the orphanages, but not so much any more. Now, you will find almost all special needs kids.

Though I may not fully understand it, I am thankful. I am thankful that O's birth mom chose life for her baby. I am thankful that in a country where giving up your baby for adoption is illegal, she made sure he was safe. I am sad that I couldn't give her the money to repair his lip so that he she could see what a healthy, smart and beautiful little boy he is and keep her for her own. But I am grateful. He is already such a gift to us. I am sad that our world is so backward that this is how life has to play out. A mom without her son. I heard some numbers the other day that were so disturbing... It can cost less than $400 to have an abortion but sometimes over $40,000 to adopt a baby. Crazy!

Sorry, left the topic of my post a bit. One of the first questions I asked our guide in Chongqing was how the locals feel about us Americans coming in to adopt their babies? He said that they think it is a ver positive thing. That made be feel a bit of relief. I don't like confrontation. But we do get ALOT of stares. People will just come stand next to us and watch us without saying anything. It is mostly older people. They look at us, then O, and then us again. Some just stop right in their tracks in shock. It is so weird and uncomfortable. We have gotten some people who are very friendly and try to talk to us with big smiles. I encountered one rude guy on the airplane but fortunately I didn't know he was being rude until later when Tyler told me. I was really annoyed but figured I need to get used to it because for some reason people think it is ok to share their opinions at any time and in any place. I am sure this is only a taste of the kind of comments and questions I am going to get at home. I pray that I can always respond with love and grace.

The people here have style. I love it! Everyone has a unique look to them. A lot of tights under shorts.  They have a love for fashion. You don't find many jeans and t-shirts and definitely no moms in yoga pants. Oh, and let me introduce you to split pants. See the hole in the little babies pants? Yep, that is so he can just squat and pee or poop anywhere he chooses. Just like your pup at home. In malls, stores, anywhere. Some clean it up others cover with a napkin ( : guess it saves on the cost of diapers.

The areas of the cities we have visited are super clean and well taken care of. I have been impressed.
We went on a boat cruise of the river and were able to see the city at night. It really was beautiful. The canton tower is the second tallest "needle" like structure in the world.

The food has been good. We haven't had anything that has been knock your socks off good. It is hard when you don't have the locals helping you order. Guangzhou has many more options. We have had a couple good noodle dishes. There is a delishious pizza place near by and we hear some really good Mexican. We are ready to come home and eat some of our regular food. I question the meat I am eating at times and am not in love with the fruit. I feel like all we do is eat and it is a lot of carbs. Thankfully we are getting a lot of walking in.

Tomorrow we head to the US consulate to finalize all the paper work, then less than two more days till we fly home! I am so excited to see my girls and hold them tight. Good night, all.

Ps. We got a O a new transformers toy that he loves!

O update

Tyler and I were reading O a book before bed tonight laughing cause he is talking so much and it is so cute to hear. However, we are wondering if he is just using all the inappropriate words he has never been allowed to say, cause he talks really fast then laughs super hard after. Mama and baba are fools!

O has been awesome! I will have to say that ever since the "zoo" day, I have felt a little uneasy about all this. It is really hard not to take things personally or feel defeated when you think you are two steps ahead and then quickly move four steps back. One moment I would feel so much love and the next he would would hit and resist me. Deciphering what to do in those moments are hard too. We have read the books and watched the videos, but when you are actually in it, it is difficult to figure out. We are just sticking by him and letting him know we aren't going anywhere. It seems to be working.

We have had so many victories and I can say that today (Sunday) was the first day that I really felt like a mom to O. I may not feel this way tomorrow but I did today and it feels amazing. I am sure part of the reason I have been feeling sick is a bit from anxiety. I have had a similar uneasy feeling two or three other times in my life when I have faced a major life change. I don't like the unknown. The Lord protected me in the process of this adoption this past year and a half. I can honestly say that I have not had an ounce of worry about adding O to our family. After the incident at the zoo, I think I let the fear creep in. I let the worry change the way I think. I know better. My bible reading happen to fall right on Luke 12 today, reminding me to be anxious of nothing and always be prepared for action, for we do not know when trials or turmoil will strike.

I know we are so lucky. I have heard other adoption stories. I know people struggling with so much more than just bonding. I know this calm, even keeled, four year old has nothing on a hot tempered, screaming two year old who has no idea what is happening to them. We are lucky and I don't want to complain. I want to feel overly blessed. But I know others who are about to be in the same boat and hopefully my honesty will help.

He seems to really care about us. Every day he wants me to hold him or carry him more. On day one and two he didn't want to be carried at all. Now he locks his arms and legs around me and seems right at home. He runs up to hug both Tyler and I in random moments. He loves to share with us. Yesterday we went to the store and he had been eyeing the skittles. Tyler told him he could get them and he was so happy. O and I went to sit outside while Tyler finished up in the store. We opened his skittles and he ate one, shared the next one with me and got out the third one for dada. He held that thing in his hand yelling "baba" for five minutes with a giant, excited smile waiting for Tyler to exit the store. This is a pic of him waiting for baba. He is really sweet.

He can still be stubborn when he doesn't get what he wants, but those moments are becoming less and less. I feel if we could explain things to him he may have a more appropriate reaction. I was able to give him a warning that I was going to turn his show off today and he had a much better reaction than yesterday. His attitude is quickly changed with fun play as well. He really enjoyed wrestling on the bed with us today. I know we will go back and forth with these moments. We will be earning his trust for awhile. He will learn that we aren't taking things away or saying no just to make him mad but because we love him.

It's a perfect picture of us with Christ sometimes, isn't it? He keeps trying to show us his love for us. He wants us to trust him. He says no sometimes but only because he cares about us so much and knows what is best for us. But we resist. We keep ourselves from giving our whole selves to him because if we give him everything we are no longer in control.

I pray O gives up control, lets down his guard and lets us love him.

The language barrier is tough but I am in shock of how quickly he picks things up. He is pronouncing the girls' names so much better and is using more English words. You just have to practice with him when he is in the right mood.

The picture below is O with the other two kids from his orphanage, Fei Fei and Chen Chen.  They are so stinkin cute! I don't think O is super close with them but the two of them are best buds. Their cribs were right next to each other in the orphanage, they were in the same first orphanage and even have the same sur name and birthday. Watching them communicate makes me laugh every day. They have their own little language. I absolutely love it and wish I could have a translator. O and Chen Chen are the only boys in our group of 11 families. His parents are University of Auburn obsessed. Everyone in our group is from the South and the men have all been heckling each other about college football. Sounds like there are some intense rivalries.

I am happy to say that I am a little behind on my blogging because I am sleeping more. This is the first time I have stayed up past 8. It feels good to not be so sleepy and for my brain not going crazy thinking, analyzing and worrying at one am.

Again, I thank you all for your love and prayers. It means so much.

We just completed week one of a lifetime together. How awesome is that?! We have so much time to grow and I am grateful for that.

Guangzhou

I feel like our life just got switched from black and white to color. We woke up and looked out our new hotel window to find blue sky and a Starbucks sign. Halelujah! These (tiny) pics are from each hotel window.

I didn't realize how ready I was to leave Chongqing till we arrived here in Guangzhou. Chongqing was filled with very kind people and some great spicy food. The area where we stayed was very clean and our hotel was beautiful. It is where our son was born. It is a part of him. I loved getting to know the city and it's history. The rainy, grey and smoggy days were getting to me. I am used to that in the comfort of my own home but here in China it was starting to feel a bit depressing. Did I mention they add 300 cars a day to the roads there? Crazy traffic!

We spent Friday morning packing up our stuff and then headed to the airport in the afternoon. This is a picture of our group as we left the hotel. I really like all these people and feel very blessed to be traveling with them.

We were worried about O getting sick on the plane so one of the other moms gave me some kids Dramamine to give to him. He passed out cold in the van and slept on me through the entire airport wait. Oops! I felt bad. I don't usually give my kids drugs. But, hey, he didn't get sick. He did great on the plane and watched some Mickey Mouse. It was just a short 1:45 plane ride. We arrived in Guangzhou at 8:30. By the time we arrived at our hotel it was after ten and we were tired.

The hotel is pretty amazing. And the area around our hotel seems pretty happening. I am not big on neon but it is kinda cool to see here, on a vacation, flashing everywhere. The walls are covered in gold art and we were greeted with VIP service everywhere. A soccer team walked in the door right after us with giant body guards. We were told later it was Manchester United. I am not positive on that but there were fans with cameras at the bottom of the elevators waiting for pics all day yesterday.

Yesterday, (Saturday) we spent the morning at the doctors. O needed to be seen by a nurse, an ENT doc and a regular physician. He also got a TB test. We shared the appointment with ten other families from our agency, as well as 20 families adopting from different agencies. For being crammed in a small medical facility with a bunch of people who don't speak Chinese it wasn't too bad. It got hot, but we moved through the lines rather quickly. Everyone said he looked good and we will get the TB results tomorrow. Keep praying for that please.

When we returned we went to have lunch with friends and while Tyler went and did two hours of paper work with our agency staff, O and I played in the room. We worked on colors and numbers. He enjoyed the videos on YouTube. He can already write numbers one thru five. He is so smart!

We found the outdoor play area in our hotel. He came to life for the first time around other kids. He laughed and played with others there and seemed so happy. I can't wait to show him play grounds at home. He loves a video someone sent us of the girls on swings and laughs watching the recent video we got from Dylan of D in the snow.

We walked to get pizza last night but I could tell he was starting to lose it. We decided to get it to go and eat in our room. We put him to bed for the first time by him self and he did great. This hotel room has a separate living area where we can hang out after he goes to bed. Not that I need it cause I am ready when he is.

I slept 9 hours and I think the boys slept 11. Felt so good!

For those of you who have asked I am feeling much better. In fact, today is the first day since last Wednesday that I have not felt dizzy and nauseous. Thank you so much for your prayers. They helped!

I am sure you are all wondering about O. I will write about that next. Promise!

today.

"Momma said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my momma said." China has brought out the spirit of song in me. Maybe because I haven't listened to any music in awhile and I am missing it. But that song pretty much sums up yesterday.

My mom didn't prep me for days like this but all the books, videos and social workers gave us a good heads up that days two, three and four... heck, one hundred and four, may be tough.

The night after the orphanage visit we saw a little bit of O's stubbornness come out. He wouldn't look at us and at one point and went and lay under the nightstand to get away from us. We gave him some space and then started a fun game with the balloons and he was reeled right back in. He was laughing all while trying to be tough. He is so cute and similar to D in some ways. We ended the night with books and kisses.

Yesterday we headed out for some sightseeing. We were told we would be back by noon, yet didn't walk in the door to the hotel till 2:30. We were exhausted and hungry to say the least. We took our tour bus on a stop and go ride through crazy traffic to the zoo. Poor O threw up again, but thankfully I saw it coming and we got him to the window just in time.

That was the least of it cause as we stepped off the bus our troubles began. Right when our feet hit the pavement an old lady street vender put a little pin wheel spiny toy right into O's hand. We told her no and gave it back to her. It was more of a reaction to her ugly persistence than it was to not letting O have the toy, but he freaked out! We have seen him stomp his feet once or twice but other than that he has not shown much emotion and definitely not been demanding or defiant. He was mad at us and he let us know. The tears started flowing and the screams were so loud. We continued to walk into the zoo with our screaming child, sure he would calm down in a minute or at least when I gave him a cookie. No! He was mad.

We went back and forth debating whether to leave him alone and let him have his moment or hold him. We choose to hold him and kept telling him we loved him and it was ok. I just kept wiping tears as he punched me in the arm. It took everything in me not to break down. The tears started coming and I just asked The Lord to hold them cause I could not let him see me cry too. I just wanted to know if this was all about the toy or was there so much more behind these tears. We just got off the bus that took him to his orphanage the day before. Was he sad, confused, still sick? My heart hurt for him and there was nothing to be done. The amazing part was that even though he threw us a couple
good punches he never tried to get out of our arms.

I cannot explain the looks we were given. The other families were great and helpful. One mom reminded me of how good it is that they cry. Kind of a breakthrough in this hard and stoic little person. We finally got him to calm with a yogurt drink and some pandas but it felt like a lifetime later. He was off and on, happy and stubborn the rest of the zoo trip. One thing was for sure he could
have cared less about the animals. I was right there with him. I was not feeling well, so my amazing husband took one for the team and was super intentional and playful the rest of the trip.

On our way to board the bus Tyler ran ahead to buy a spiny toy from a DIFFERENT lady and gave it to O as we left. If that were our girls we would never have done that but this was different. There is a communication barrier that keeps us from explaining why he didn't get it. It was placed in his hands and then ripped away. Not very fair. We wanted daddy to gift it to him, not a stranger. And we just wanted to see him smile. It worked.

From there we went and saw where the two rivers meet in the middle of Chongqing. We saw all the boats and people at the harbor. You can see the evil pinwheel toy here.

We then went and saw China town. I can't give you much detail about this cause I was just ready to go. The architecture was pretty magnificent though. We got O a banyan leave painting which are suppose to be unique to Chongqing.

The day got better with O. He wanted us to hold him and he showered us with kisses. At times he got mad and showed hi stubborn side when we said no to more sugar or more escalator rides but he is so sweet and he knows we are his people. We stood back a couple times in the group setting to see what he would do and every time there was just a little distance between us he would look to find us and smile. These sweet little moments are our victories.

You may be wondering how communication is going. It is actually great. He understands potty, coat, shoes, brush teeth, momma, dada, let's go, eat, sleep, and a bunch more. Did you know the baby words for poop and daddy are the same? So funny so we are trying to teach dada to not confuse the poor guy. We have learned some basic phrases but they are all so tonal that we are probably butchering them and turning them into cuss words. We just thought we would stick with English. He can count to three "one, two, twa." His voice is so cute. He also says Lu's name but can't do D's. He says, "I love you mama" and "I love you baba." Ah, melts your heart even though he may not know what it means. Right now we are working on please.

To sum it up, some moments feel like babysitting a relative who you love, but just wants to go home to mom. And other moments feel not an ounce different than taking care of our girls.

Those of you at home with our girls can probably relate. I know each of you love them so incredibly much but I am sure they are being difficult at times. I am sure they are working their magic and manipulating you (I have already heard stories). I am sure they are sad and lost about why momma and daddy are gone for so long and are acting out in their confusion. But I bet you are getting glimpses of joy (I hope).

Funny as I typed that last sentence I got an email from my sister telling me how a bunch of family and friends are going to the house to have pizza with the girls. Made me cry, and I don't like to cry. We are so blessed. I love my house full of people. It is one of my favorite things. Can't tell you how happy it makes me to know it is still full without us there. Love you guys!

Thank you all for your love and feedback. We love hearing from home so please email. We take off on our first plane ride tonight for the second half of this trip. It is a short ride to where the US consulate is and we do the US portion of the adoption.

Please pray that O doesn't get sick and that it's an easy ride.
Please pray for my health as I have not been feeling good.
If O is diagnosed with TB during the medical visit there, we are stuck here for 6-8 weeks. Pray that does not happen!
And please pray for the bonding to keep happening. We feel pretty good about it all so far and love him so much!

paths

I was wide awake at 1:30 am again this morning. It is frustrating when I can't get back to sleep but sometimes my mind starts spinning in good ways. I lay there pondering the moment we left the orphanage. Where do we go from there? How do I show this boy that I am mom and how do we walk this road of attachment and bonding? The Lord presented three paths for me. We could leave the orphanage together on the subway, the bus (our only actual way to leave together), or by foot.

The subway would be quick, cheap and easy. We would most likely pass out with our eyes closed. I may stare down and my iPhone checking updates, but the ride would take place in total darkness with little interaction between the two of us, let alone with anyone else.

The bus would look very similar. We may have a bit more scenery that would pass by quickly and we would most likely visit and interact with the people in our group. Still little interaction with each other but it would be safe and comfortable.

Traveling by foot would be difficult. We would face unbelievable challenges. We would get tired, cold, hungry and maybe even hurt but oh how he would learn to trust me. He would be forced to lean on me for help. He would be forced to find strength in me when he is weak. He would first hand witness me providing for his every need. If we are lucky, we may learn from others along the way and we would rejoice in the beauty around us. We would bond. He would attach.

The bible speaks over and over again about how we have been adopted by God and rescued through the blood of Christ. He has brought us into his eternal kingdom because He loves us so much. If you haven't watched this video please do. It is one of the things that tugged on my heart strings and led me to this place.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWHJ6-YhSYQ

God's heart is adoption. He adopted us and he wants to walk with us on the hard and narrow path he has called us to. He doesn't want us taking the subway where it is dark. He doesn't want us looking down on the short, easy and selfish journey all while missing out on the incredible, beautiful life He has for us.

He doesn't want us riding the bus where life is safe. He doesn't want us only interacting with those we know and are comfortable with. He doesn't want us to get small glimpses of his beauty safely inside our comfort walls where we can continue to be self sufficient.

He wants to walk with us. He wants to take our hand and guide us through life. He wants to bring us to a place where we solely rely on him. He wants us to see his marvelous beauty from the mountain
tops without our cell phones in hand. He wants us to meet strangers and exchange love.  He wants to
comfort us when we are hurt. He wants us to feed us when we are hungry. He wants to give us
strength when we are weak. He wants to bond. He wants to attach. But we must first must make the choice to take the journey with him.

I can tell you that I choose all kinds of transportation. I go back and forth. You would think I would know by now but how sweet it is when I choose the walk. I have never felt such love, joy and peace.

This journey to little O has been tough at times, yet so easy knowing Christ is with us. Today was hard. I will tell you about it later. O has showed some resistance and pain that breaks this momma's heart. But he is so sweet and I am so grateful that every difficult steps brings us closer. Praise God!

Here are some pics from the visit yesterday. These are of his classroom, his bed and his foster momma. Sweetness!

We ended the day yesterday (after the orphanage visit) with his first swim, which he loved and his
first pizza, which he did not.

Thanks for listening. Hard not to share when The Lord puts something on your heart.

orphanage visit

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a big day. I have known we would have the chance to visit the orphanage through out this entire process and to be honest, I have dreaded it. O lived with a foster family this past year and I didn't think I could bare the tears and emotions involved in that final good bye. But I knew this is a part of his history that he may not remember, and I knew we needed to see it so we could document and remember it for him, irregardless of how uncomfortable I felt. 

After finishing what was a much smaller breakfast than the day before, we met our guide and boarded the bus to Love Manor orphanage about an hour away up in the mountains. Three of the four kids in our group are from Love Manor. Love Manor is a mega orphanage. It was actually created to be the best and biggest orphanage in China. It was built just years ago and can hold up to 15,000 children. Today there are about 500 kids. UNICEF was involved with implementing the fostering system there. The government actually hires families to live in an apartment on campus and foster up to four kids each. Many of the dads work outside the orphanage and the moms stay to care for the kids. It is a pretty neat system and not a common one. 

Our guide explained to O where we were going and that we were going to say goodbye to his friends. He told him that he would be coming home with us. O nodded his head and seemed to be ok with it all. We bought some toys to give to the orphanage and he just clung to them super tight while sitting on my lap the entire bus ride. The drive through Chongqing is pretty amazing. Take Seattle's sky scrapers in a cluster and multiply that by more than 50. They go on and on and on. 

We were about ten minutes from the orphanage when I noticed O being a bit funny and seconds later he puked all over me and the bus. Oh joy! I had brought extra clothes for him but not me. I felt so bad for the little guy whose facial expression did not change the entire time. Straight stoic. Our guide said Chinese people are more prone to car sickness and especially the little kids who don't ever ride in cars. Add a super curvy road and I am sure some crazy nerves to that and we were destined for 

disaster. Everyone was so great and with a lot of wipes and plastic bags we got our self presentable. However, Tyler kept reminding me how bad I smelt. It was pretty terrible. Another little guy waited till we got out if the van and did the same thing. Poor fellas. 

All the details of the visit would take a super long post and I don't know how many details I should save for just O but it was emotional. We saw his classroom first where he was smothered by his teachers. Four or five just started shouting "Biao Biao" (his Chinese nick name and what we call him now). They asked him lots of questions to which he nodded yes. I really wish I knew what they were saying. He didn't smile the whole time and just stood back clinging to those toys. I wish I could have read his mind. 

The kids in his class were the most precious little things. All with much more severe special needs then him. I cannot describe how it felt to picture him in this room everyday. But one thing is for 

absolute certain, he was loved! The adults there cared about him and were very happy and excited 

about his new mama and baba. Most of the pictures we took were on our other camera so I only have pics from Tyler's phone to share. I wish I would have taken a picture of every face so I could plea with you all to consider bringing them home. They are all so cute and deserve a loving family. Here is the link to our agency and you will see many of the kids from his class and foster home. 

http://lifelinechild.org/love-manor/

Did you know that if 8% of people who claim to believe in the gospel took care of one orphan there would be no more crisis? Did you know that 80% of American couples have considered adoption and only half of 1% actually follow through? I pray that if it is something you want to do that you don't let money or fear hold you back (more on that later).

We then headed to see where he lived. His foster dad is a chef at the orphanage so we were able to stop there and say Thank you and good bye. This is where the tears started flowing for me. Meeting this man who cared for my son was pretty special. He grabbed and gave him a big squeeze and told him to be a good boy. Still no smiles from O, he just kept right on marching to the foster home. 

When we got there and he saw his foster mom it all changed. He ran in and gave her a giant hug and had a huge smile on his face. She was so sweet and very excited for him to have a family. No tears were shed just pure happiness and joy. It was really cool. His foster siblings came home and O shouted to them, "I brought you guys toys!" What a sweet little heart he has. It was fun to watch him play with these kids for a bit. They are all up for adoption. How they came to be 8 and not be adopted I do not know. They are so sweet! 

He then waved goodbye and was ready to board the bus. I am going to pick up where I left off in a bit...

today was a good day...

Yes, that title is to the tune of Ice Cube's classic. We had a great first 24 hours together which in the adoption world is called the "harmonious period." It is the 24 hours they give you to decide if you want to continue with the adoption of this child. I am happy to say we were pleased ( ;

Tyler and I woke up very early Tuesday morning and basically waited excitedly for O to wake. We were told he slept 9 to 6:30 but the last two days have been 8 to 7:45. He opened his eyes with a giant smile and got right back to playing with toys. We headed down to breakfast where he accomplished this...

He is an amazing eater. We let him pick all the foods and he sure knew what he wanted and what he didn't.

I didn't pack shoes for him since I didn't know his size, and the ones he came in were (how can I say it nicely?) gross, so we headed out shoe shopping. It was very rainy which I think O liked. I don't think they got out in the rain much. We headed to the mall to find some old school new balances that daddy wanted to get him but there were none in his size. There was actually a fire in the mall so we killed some time walking in the rain till it opened. Scary place to have a fire cause the mall keeps going down and down. This one was is made in an old WWII bomb shelter. No worries it wasn't a
huge fire and we didn't stick around long.

We ended up at the Gap and found some we all liked. It is fun to watch daddy finally get excited for kid clothes. We ate some lunch and headed back to the hotel for a nap. We didn't realize how late it was and as soon  as we turned out the lights to rest we had to hop right up to get ready to meet our guide. Needless to say nap time did not happen.

O had been so great! Still sharing, respectful and even ran to hug us when other people tried to talk to him. This is a great sign in the attachment world. He gave us our first kisses and we heard his first giggles. Which are the cutest sounds ever. We met our guide downstairs and boarded the bus to return to the civil affairs building where we had met him the day before. Here we would complete paperwork and have a short ceremony to officially adopt him from the Chinese government.


When we arrived at the building we started to see a new little O. We knew he had missed his nap, he walked around a TON all morning and has been crazy stimulated. It was bad on our part.

He showed a bit more stubbornness and said no to us for the first time and even raised his hand at me (this may shock you but my bio kids have done this plenty to me so why would I be so surprised by this lil fella). It was the first time he gave us any negative feedback and even though you hear that is probably going to come over the course of the next month you still feel a bit defeated. Luckily I have an amazing husband and we just looked at each other and said, "alright, this may be the beginning of some resistance but we can't get frustrated." What this little guy is going through is much bigger than our poor feelings, frustration or tiredness. We are just gonna pour love on this little man.

We had the ceremony and it was pretty awesome. Having them ask us if we would promise to care for him and never abandon or abuse him got me pretty choked up. I wanted to shout, "We promise to do
so much more than that!"

Reminds me of Christ who promises us so much more than what we actually care to understand sometimes. If only we had a true understanding of ALL his amazing promises we could be free of worry, stress and self-doubt.

It was pretty special, to say the least. Wish all of the wonderful people who have supported us in this journey could have been there.

After we left he was back to his sweet self again. He seems to feel connected with both of us. We
heard it is common to bond with one parent at first, but he treats us pretty equal. That night we went to dinner and wanted both of us to carry him, which is a first. He doesn't seem to like to be carried and very sad cause he actually doesn't seem to know how to be carried. I am sure it has been awhile but he is catching on. He is super independent and wants to try everything himself. Creature of his environment, I suppose.

Sometimes I can get sad when I think of his past and all his firsts I missed or all the things he missed out on in those first four years of life but I am continually reminded that this is where our stories were suppose to meet. God had it planned out. Me dwelling on the past will get us no where. I am so excited for all the stuff we have to look forward to. I know we will have good days and some really rough ones but I will "seek The Lord and His strength." Psalms 105:4.

We watched Cars in our room before bed. He loved it! Cracked up the whole time. Did I say I love his high pitched little laugh? Priceless!

 

Today (which is Wednesday afternoon now) was a big day Just to leave you hanging...  there were tears and puke ( ;  More soon! I am tired.

day one with O

Good morning. I am very happy to say that it is 4:30 am instead of one. Our heads hit the pillow at 7:45 and we were out. When we got lil O's schedule and routine the first thing we saw was a 9 o'clock bed time. We new it would need to be the first thing to change and we are happy to say he adjusted nicely. Who knows how long he layer and stared at the ceiling cause mom and dad were out!

I am typing from the bathroom floor right now trying not to wake the boys (love saying that). I am excited to keep this journal to someday show lil O, so pardon me for being too detailed. And I am using an iPad that I am not very familiar with. Please bare with me.

Yesterday was one of the weirdest and best days ever. The anticipation leading up to meeting your already four year old son is very surreal. I remember heading to the hospital in labor with both our girls and looking at Tyler and saying, "well, here we go. We are having a baby today." It is the BEST feeling but you know there is a lot of work (and pain) that keeps you pretty distracted that day. This was just strictly waiting. I can't describe it. I don't think it is a natural feeling cause I know this is not the way God intended families to be brought together. But so thankful how he prepares our heart and guides us in dealing with a broken world.

We started our day with a very early breakfast. We get a free buffet that has a great variety of American and Chinese cuisine. It is tasty. We then went back to the room to get ready and met our guide Michael and three other families to go over paper work. We received lil O's finding ad. This is the news paper article saying he was abandoned and that his birth family had three months to "claim" him before he would be logged into the system as an orphan. We are very grateful to have this piece of his past because we don't have much. This also listed the date and place he was found. We were hoping to visit this place but we were told it is over two hours away near the first orphanage he was at.

After the paper work we went to the baby store to get him some snacks and a sippy cup to take with us and went out to lunch with another couple, Casey and Trace. We are so thankful they are here. They are from Alabama and Trace is a pastor in college ministry. We got to hear a bit about their story. They have two boys the same ages as our girls and are adopting a little boy who was in lil O's same play group. I loved what they said when we asked them what lead them to adoption. They said they had always wanted to and then didn't really need to pray about because the bible kinda spells it out for us. "We are just suppose to do this." The other two couples are very nice too. One family brought their two older daughters, ages 8 and 10 maybe. That was so fun to watch meet their little sister. Made me very excited to have our three munchkins together.

After lunch we quickly gathered our things and met the group in the lobby. We boarded the bus and drove about 30 minutes to the civil affairs building. We were told the kids from Love Manor (O's orphanage) wouldn't be there for an hour. Sigh! Since that was three of the four kids we got to all sit and watch one family meet their daughter and take pics for them. It was so cute and she was a little spit fire. Our nerves were settled as we realized these are just kids excited to hang with some new people and get some new toys. We have read that a lot of grief comes later when they figure this is real and forever. Praying to skip this phase ( ;

So after, what felt like a lot of waiting, we heard little feet and voices from down the hall. A group of kids and nannies walked in and there he was... the tallest kid in the group. So cute and wearing the same bomber jacket we have seen in many pictures. The nannies were talking to him and I think indroducing him to his mama and baba. He leaned in for an armless hug (We are used to these from D) for each of us and then frantically wanted the plastic bag which contained his belongings. I thought "how cute" cause all that was in there were the crocs and photo album we had sent him but later realized there were cookies in there ( : He was very shy but snugly at first, giving us little crooked smiles. We gave him a treat that we bought and that got him ver excited. He wants to open and do everything himself. No help! He was super stoked about the match box cars and he and daddy started playing right away. So fun to watch this boy bond happen in minutes.

We then got to ask his nannies questions about his personality and life at the orphanage. Some things they said: smart but does not speak a lot of long sentences and struggles with some speech due to his cleft palate (which is closed now), loves outdoors, loves things with motors, likes playing with other kids, very sweet and polite but can be stubborn, shy at first but then warms up to new people, very good eater and sleeper. We met some of his teachers as well. They seemed to all love him very much and were very happy for him to have a family.

He seemed very excited and happy the whole time and just waved good bye to his nannies like it was no big thing. Once we got in the bus he was less expressive and very quiet. It had to be a lot of stimulation for him. They don't ever leave the orphanage. We played back in the room for the rest of the night. He dug into his suitcase like it was Christmas. He really enjoyed coloring. He is very good at drawing but unfortunately I have no idea what it says or means. Daddy gave him a bath where we discovered he is super ticklish. So funny! We had read that kids in orphanages may be very possessive of their things and especially food. This appears to be very true of him. He held onto his plastic bag so tight and did not want to give those cars up that we gave him. He had food hidden in his pocket which he thought was so funny. He gobbled down some Mcdonalds (we heard kids like fries) and kept one hand on it till it was gone. Makes me sad but also excited to show him that he does not need to live like that any more and all his needs will be provided for from here on out. The sweetest part was even though he would cling to his food, he continually shared with us. He would bring each of us a seed or fry with a huge smile on his face. It was so cute!

It was a great first night. He laughed a lot. He likes it when mama and baba are silly. He even started talking a bunch and said Henna and Lu's name. He has slept all night and probably kicked me in the face 50 times but I loved every one. Excited for what today holds. We will go back to the civil affairs building and fill out paper work that will officially make him our son!

Oh! And did I mention he is much bigger then we anticipated? We will try on the clothes I brought today and see how they work but he definitely weighs more than D. Luckily there is Gap and H&M across the street ( ; I admire you if you read this far! Love you all.

meet lil O

Today was great and amazing. I will share details later. I am too tired to spend any more time on this so I am just going to share these tiny pictures and let you know what we have learned about this little man thus far.

1. He is so amazingly cute!
2. He is smart. He can draw and color very well. We have enjoyed coloring together.
3. He is all boy. He loves cars and trucks.
4. He wants to clean up his toys before he gets anything else out. (Momma likes this)
5. He is very kind and polite.
6. He is calm but gets excited during play
7. He is VERY ticklish.
8. And this kid loves to eat! When we met him he had fruit and sunflower seeds stashed in his pockets and he just ate an adult meal from mcdonalds. The sweet thing is that he is always sharing with us.

Tomorrow we officially adopt him as one of our own. Praying for a good night sleep cause momma and baba are tired! Nigh night!