today.

"Momma said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my momma said." China has brought out the spirit of song in me. Maybe because I haven't listened to any music in awhile and I am missing it. But that song pretty much sums up yesterday.

My mom didn't prep me for days like this but all the books, videos and social workers gave us a good heads up that days two, three and four... heck, one hundred and four, may be tough.

The night after the orphanage visit we saw a little bit of O's stubbornness come out. He wouldn't look at us and at one point and went and lay under the nightstand to get away from us. We gave him some space and then started a fun game with the balloons and he was reeled right back in. He was laughing all while trying to be tough. He is so cute and similar to D in some ways. We ended the night with books and kisses.

Yesterday we headed out for some sightseeing. We were told we would be back by noon, yet didn't walk in the door to the hotel till 2:30. We were exhausted and hungry to say the least. We took our tour bus on a stop and go ride through crazy traffic to the zoo. Poor O threw up again, but thankfully I saw it coming and we got him to the window just in time.

That was the least of it cause as we stepped off the bus our troubles began. Right when our feet hit the pavement an old lady street vender put a little pin wheel spiny toy right into O's hand. We told her no and gave it back to her. It was more of a reaction to her ugly persistence than it was to not letting O have the toy, but he freaked out! We have seen him stomp his feet once or twice but other than that he has not shown much emotion and definitely not been demanding or defiant. He was mad at us and he let us know. The tears started flowing and the screams were so loud. We continued to walk into the zoo with our screaming child, sure he would calm down in a minute or at least when I gave him a cookie. No! He was mad.

We went back and forth debating whether to leave him alone and let him have his moment or hold him. We choose to hold him and kept telling him we loved him and it was ok. I just kept wiping tears as he punched me in the arm. It took everything in me not to break down. The tears started coming and I just asked The Lord to hold them cause I could not let him see me cry too. I just wanted to know if this was all about the toy or was there so much more behind these tears. We just got off the bus that took him to his orphanage the day before. Was he sad, confused, still sick? My heart hurt for him and there was nothing to be done. The amazing part was that even though he threw us a couple
good punches he never tried to get out of our arms.

I cannot explain the looks we were given. The other families were great and helpful. One mom reminded me of how good it is that they cry. Kind of a breakthrough in this hard and stoic little person. We finally got him to calm with a yogurt drink and some pandas but it felt like a lifetime later. He was off and on, happy and stubborn the rest of the zoo trip. One thing was for sure he could
have cared less about the animals. I was right there with him. I was not feeling well, so my amazing husband took one for the team and was super intentional and playful the rest of the trip.

On our way to board the bus Tyler ran ahead to buy a spiny toy from a DIFFERENT lady and gave it to O as we left. If that were our girls we would never have done that but this was different. There is a communication barrier that keeps us from explaining why he didn't get it. It was placed in his hands and then ripped away. Not very fair. We wanted daddy to gift it to him, not a stranger. And we just wanted to see him smile. It worked.

From there we went and saw where the two rivers meet in the middle of Chongqing. We saw all the boats and people at the harbor. You can see the evil pinwheel toy here.

We then went and saw China town. I can't give you much detail about this cause I was just ready to go. The architecture was pretty magnificent though. We got O a banyan leave painting which are suppose to be unique to Chongqing.

The day got better with O. He wanted us to hold him and he showered us with kisses. At times he got mad and showed hi stubborn side when we said no to more sugar or more escalator rides but he is so sweet and he knows we are his people. We stood back a couple times in the group setting to see what he would do and every time there was just a little distance between us he would look to find us and smile. These sweet little moments are our victories.

You may be wondering how communication is going. It is actually great. He understands potty, coat, shoes, brush teeth, momma, dada, let's go, eat, sleep, and a bunch more. Did you know the baby words for poop and daddy are the same? So funny so we are trying to teach dada to not confuse the poor guy. We have learned some basic phrases but they are all so tonal that we are probably butchering them and turning them into cuss words. We just thought we would stick with English. He can count to three "one, two, twa." His voice is so cute. He also says Lu's name but can't do D's. He says, "I love you mama" and "I love you baba." Ah, melts your heart even though he may not know what it means. Right now we are working on please.

To sum it up, some moments feel like babysitting a relative who you love, but just wants to go home to mom. And other moments feel not an ounce different than taking care of our girls.

Those of you at home with our girls can probably relate. I know each of you love them so incredibly much but I am sure they are being difficult at times. I am sure they are working their magic and manipulating you (I have already heard stories). I am sure they are sad and lost about why momma and daddy are gone for so long and are acting out in their confusion. But I bet you are getting glimpses of joy (I hope).

Funny as I typed that last sentence I got an email from my sister telling me how a bunch of family and friends are going to the house to have pizza with the girls. Made me cry, and I don't like to cry. We are so blessed. I love my house full of people. It is one of my favorite things. Can't tell you how happy it makes me to know it is still full without us there. Love you guys!

Thank you all for your love and feedback. We love hearing from home so please email. We take off on our first plane ride tonight for the second half of this trip. It is a short ride to where the US consulate is and we do the US portion of the adoption.

Please pray that O doesn't get sick and that it's an easy ride.
Please pray for my health as I have not been feeling good.
If O is diagnosed with TB during the medical visit there, we are stuck here for 6-8 weeks. Pray that does not happen!
And please pray for the bonding to keep happening. We feel pretty good about it all so far and love him so much!