O has been awesome! I will have to say that ever since the "zoo" day, I have felt a little uneasy about all this. It is really hard not to take things personally or feel defeated when you think you are two steps ahead and then quickly move four steps back. One moment I would feel so much love and the next he would would hit and resist me. Deciphering what to do in those moments are hard too. We have read the books and watched the videos, but when you are actually in it, it is difficult to figure out. We are just sticking by him and letting him know we aren't going anywhere. It seems to be working.
We have had so many victories and I can say that today (Sunday) was the first day that I really felt like a mom to O. I may not feel this way tomorrow but I did today and it feels amazing. I am sure part of the reason I have been feeling sick is a bit from anxiety. I have had a similar uneasy feeling two or three other times in my life when I have faced a major life change. I don't like the unknown. The Lord protected me in the process of this adoption this past year and a half. I can honestly say that I have not had an ounce of worry about adding O to our family. After the incident at the zoo, I think I let the fear creep in. I let the worry change the way I think. I know better. My bible reading happen to fall right on Luke 12 today, reminding me to be anxious of nothing and always be prepared for action, for we do not know when trials or turmoil will strike.
I know we are so lucky. I have heard other adoption stories. I know people struggling with so much more than just bonding. I know this calm, even keeled, four year old has nothing on a hot tempered, screaming two year old who has no idea what is happening to them. We are lucky and I don't want to complain. I want to feel overly blessed. But I know others who are about to be in the same boat and hopefully my honesty will help.
He seems to really care about us. Every day he wants me to hold him or carry him more. On day one and two he didn't want to be carried at all. Now he locks his arms and legs around me and seems right at home. He runs up to hug both Tyler and I in random moments. He loves to share with us. Yesterday we went to the store and he had been eyeing the skittles. Tyler told him he could get them and he was so happy. O and I went to sit outside while Tyler finished up in the store. We opened his skittles and he ate one, shared the next one with me and got out the third one for dada. He held that thing in his hand yelling "baba" for five minutes with a giant, excited smile waiting for Tyler to exit the store. This is a pic of him waiting for baba. He is really sweet.
He can still be stubborn when he doesn't get what he wants, but those moments are becoming less and less. I feel if we could explain things to him he may have a more appropriate reaction. I was able to give him a warning that I was going to turn his show off today and he had a much better reaction than yesterday. His attitude is quickly changed with fun play as well. He really enjoyed wrestling on the bed with us today. I know we will go back and forth with these moments. We will be earning his trust for awhile. He will learn that we aren't taking things away or saying no just to make him mad but because we love him.
It's a perfect picture of us with Christ sometimes, isn't it? He keeps trying to show us his love for us. He wants us to trust him. He says no sometimes but only because he cares about us so much and knows what is best for us. But we resist. We keep ourselves from giving our whole selves to him because if we give him everything we are no longer in control.
I pray O gives up control, lets down his guard and lets us love him.
The language barrier is tough but I am in shock of how quickly he picks things up. He is pronouncing the girls' names so much better and is using more English words. You just have to practice with him when he is in the right mood.
The picture below is O with the other two kids from his orphanage, Fei Fei and Chen Chen. They are so stinkin cute! I don't think O is super close with them but the two of them are best buds. Their cribs were right next to each other in the orphanage, they were in the same first orphanage and even have the same sur name and birthday. Watching them communicate makes me laugh every day. They have their own little language. I absolutely love it and wish I could have a translator. O and Chen Chen are the only boys in our group of 11 families. His parents are University of Auburn obsessed. Everyone in our group is from the South and the men have all been heckling each other about college football. Sounds like there are some intense rivalries.
I am happy to say that I am a little behind on my blogging because I am sleeping more. This is the first time I have stayed up past 8. It feels good to not be so sleepy and for my brain not going crazy thinking, analyzing and worrying at one am.
Again, I thank you all for your love and prayers. It means so much.
We just completed week one of a lifetime together. How awesome is that?! We have so much time to grow and I am grateful for that.
So encouraging, praise God!
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